:(

Had a blast at six flags today and excited for the beach tomorrow. I am glad I am maximizing my time as best I can. I just wish you would take it easy, by confronting me so negatively, you push me away. If it happens again I may end up leaving a bit earlier than planned. I do not feel comfortable. I do want to be around, you just don't understand how I am feeling. I completely understand what you have been saying to me, but I think you really need to calm down and realize I am growing up.
Guess who wants to see me now? Ha! I am being very cynical, but at the same time I am allowed by all means to be after this week. I really do not want to leave on bad terms, but its damn sure looking that way, and I know you hate me again, just like you did the last time I left. I am going to miss everyone, I really am, but who knows where I will go and if the trip will change me. Who will I be when I return? Who will I live with? Where will my life lead to from there?

Leaving Town

Regrets about leaving..
-I will never get my favorite book back.
-No Sean for three months.
-Depression from being lonely....
BLAH.

So in all honesty I have determined that maybe, three? people care that I am leaving, excluding family, because I have been telling everyone and anyone about my trip and no one has asked to hang out with me before I leave. No one has called me and been like hey, wanna go out one last time? Yeah, its only three months, but still. People are so fake. I have realized since I am not immature and I dont act like I am 12, that no one wants anything to do with me? People "do not have time," for me. Wow. I really thought the people that I call friends cared about me more than that. I feel so loved guys, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Oh and guess what kiddys!? I am not allowed to make my own decisions still. Is that just not the best damned thing ever? No one told me about the family reunion the saturday before I leave, but I am going supposedly, oh and a surprise trip to six flags out of the blue, and to top it all off, my car is beign shoved down my throat the last few days I have in town, and and and! I have to go get my permit too. Awesome, right? Do I get to relax? Did I get to party at all this summer? I had no birthday party. I have been packing and stressing and packing and stressing and having to do this that and the other. I just cant wait to say screw you guys and finally leave.

Whatever happened to people who actually love each other?

tired

I am listening to snoop dogg and not being productive. The room is fully packed and ready to be transported asap. So thats bueno. Had a lot of fun at Body Tribal, but my birthday sucked. People need to stop being so disappointing, or I need to have less hope for them.

Upon leaving..

So mom and I feel we should have a going away party, but your not supposed to host your own are you? I honestly do not believe any of my "friends," would throw me a party. Yeah your rich kids, but you could never spend a penny on someone else! That would be...devastating.
Maybe I am just a little biased because when someone promises you something, you expect it to happen. So try and not promise to come and celebrate your birthday and get a tattoo with someone if your just going to end up lying to them and not coming at all. Instead, you go to CANADA and dont tell me, so I have to hear it from someone else. Real mature guys. Its cool though, because I am happy to celebrate it on my own, if Canada is more important than my 18th birthday, cool, have fun. Just dont expect to see a lot of me if your coming back on the 20th? and I leave on the 27th..
People can really surprise you. I mean, really? "Oh, I really wanted to come to PA with you for your birthday but I think I will still be in NY," turns out your home on the fifth, you can go..but you never tell me this...So much drama, its disgusting. I love you both, a lot. It is just hard to believe you care about me when you do this kind of shit to me. I am going to miss you both a lot while I am gone. I just wish I could understand how childish behavior like this does not bother you. Do you not realize your acting immature? Or do you, and just dont care. We can mistreat Julia, she will come back, she always comes back. What If I dont next time?